I DiD It My Way~
Monday, August 20, 2007
oh my.. i just finished watching the season finale of dh3. finally.. i can go back to my prep class on monday.. LoL. i knew it.. there IS gonna be a season 4 after all.. heck, given the popularity of dh, i will not be surprised if this show still runs in my great grandchildren time.
omg i can't believe that edie hang herself. i mean, i never really like her that much. granted, she's bitchy and manipulative but towards dh3 she kinda tone down and the real her kinda emerge and she is just all lonely and needing someone to love. perfectly understandable. any woman would. so its a real shocker that she's actually so hurt in the end, she chose to end her life, for a man. gosh..
ya ya i know she's not a real person but hey.. the real pple in the real world is not so dramatic and interesting, that's y pple watch tv so that they can actually watch other pple lives, even though we all know that their characters dun exist.
i guess it just fulfills this part of all of us normal pple, that this really empty feeling inside of us sometimes that we can feel is devoided of any excitment, fun, surprises, confidence, exuberation, elation, happiness. just another anybody, or nobody, another face in the crowd, another stranger in this world. that our whole life will just be the same one day after another. yes, we have the occasional happy moments, but how many can really live the life they really want to, get the job, love, family, looks, abilities etc that they desire?
end of the day, i would just like to have some of my whisky water or white wine.
well well! had a good off day today btw. just resting, watching jap dramas on youtube in a desperate attempt to improve my jap and stuff ya dah ya dah. but it was good. just a little rest and i'll be all nice and fresh to go back to the office tmr.
at some point of time when getting restless while waiting for dh to start, began to camera whore. oh yeah, i am self loving and aint denying. (who else am i gonna shoot anyway if not myself?)
this sweetie baby was totally seducing me when i was on the nel train the other day. i had to give in to his advances. he has the neatest set of little choppers i've ever seen for a toddler. and he was totally all smiley on me i tell u. i assume that my charm on the opp sex works even for 2 yrs old and animals. i have to gush 'kawaii!' when he couldn't stop smiling at me. okok, i admit, he was attracted to this cute keychain of mine i had on my bag.. LoL. but i love friendly babies! the shameless kind that smile at total strangers and all enthu when u wanna hug them. i damn well hope my kids in future will be this kind of babies, not the scaredy cat type.
i finally figure out how to post videos on my blog from youtube (WOW! so clever!!)
ya whatever.
so here's 2 which i like a lot and watch like over and over again. i'm a million miles away from reality when i watch these 2. and it feels nice to be just soaring in my little piece of heaven, a place where i can truly truly relax and be myself.
don't know why
my heart is drenched in wine.. u'll be on my mind, 4ever.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Eyes On Me
what is real.. and what is unreal.. 2 people who never existed touch me somewhere so deep in my heart, i never knew that the place exists.. indeed, the real life pales in comparison. the perfect world is only something, that the human can only fantasize, and dream of...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
i miss the fluffy white snow falling down down down...
anyway! finally i have found my bloody nokia cd and ta dah! i can FINALLY upload all the pix in my hp, thank u v much to myself. nothing to look forward to actually, i dun look nice in most pix -_-" i think its a terrible punishment that i am not photogenic at all (but my consolation is i look really damn good in real life... tee hee hee)
so dawny, sorry, not gonna be giving u ANY of the pix of us at starbucks i owe u until i figure out how to do the block out grey squares thingie over my face, ala when they interview victims on tv type of block out thingie. or maybe until i learn how to do some photoshop beautifying, which is like, probably around the time they discover solid evidence that there are really life on mars. btw i cannot stand dawny. she is so bloody cutey sweety pretty in all the pix. sigh. i want her apple face and sharp chin T_T i believe the solution is to lose 10kg. hence i hereby announce that i will not be posting no pix of myself till year 2050. (but by then even if i'm skinny, i'm gonna be an old hag. the dilemma in life. but of coz the brilliant solution is the gym. hello, Amore!)
dun mistaken me for her lesbian lover though, as in the lesbian movie which rainie yeung stars in.. spider lilies...
dearest dawny! i'm looking forward to meet you soon!
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i like night time the most.
it will be all my very own time to my self. no need to slap on my makeup, pick out my clothes, find matching shoes for outfit, rush to take bus rush to take mrt rush to get to work on time. no need to answer my emails, call my clients, interview my applicants, rush to my student home.
although i'm gonna have to do this again over and over again, starting from the moment i stir in bed from the morning sun entering my sleepy eyes, it's 7am again. i'm on autopilot once i have reluctantly got outta bed. i could apply my makeup, put on my clothes, find my way outta my house and all the way on the crowded morn train to work, i slip into my blank mode. expressionless face. not only mine but all around. just waiting to get to our respective stations and start work for yet another day.
at least after long the sun has set, when i'm finally able to be back home, and this precious moment is all mine till my head hits the pillow again.
i like sitting in front of the tv the 1st time i'm home. sometimes i get back just in time to catch my fave show, desperate housewives. other time, it almost doesn't matter what is showing on the tv. drama, variety, documentary, news. channel surf a bit when a certain show gets bored. it does not matter. i am in my zone out mode. when i do this in the morn, it's call the 'coming into life' mode though. when i am still drowsy with sleep, i need to seriously sit in front of the tv and wait till my life force is activated.
i do not have to think of anything when i watch tv. i am not require to say anything either. all i have to do is to sit in front of the tv and watch other people lives play out to me. and not having to think is a luxury. i'm not expected to come up with clever words to charm my clients or even 'hmm' and 'ahh' periodically in a thoughtful manner when applicants talk about their lives.
i remembered i missed quite a few episodes of desperate housewives season 3 when it first started showing on 5. i was upset when i watched it again bcoz there were so many new characters whom i have no idea who they were. it bothers me that there are new plots, more drama mama scenes and the girls are not with their old beaus, the ones i approve of (think susan and mike, not ian). but as i conscientiously try to catch every episode subsequently, everything starts to make sense once again. i'm a happy girl. but also a dilemmatic one. on 1 hand i can't wait to watch the season finale next mon, but on the other hand, i can't bear the tot that there will be no more after the last (is there season 4??). that's human for u. greedy.
i was pretty overwhelmed when i first started out work. bu zhi bu jue it's been a mth over already. every day is passing by so quickly. i'm still mildly shock everytime it's 6pm and time to knock off. how fridays are arriving so fast, wk after wk.
occasionally i do get the chance to daydream for a moment, just starting outta the big windows, looking at the blue blue sea, the white fluffy clouds, and wish that i can see snow again.
clouds must be women. bcoz it's so tempermental. for a moment they are white and brilliant. light and confident. and then..
i dun hate my life. i am just tired sometimes. after all, if i dun do what i do, should i go countryside and plant rice instead? i think i'll rather kill myself then. no tv, no internet, no nothing. that's horrible.
come to think of it, i've been working close to 5yrs now. i am proud to say that i take things in my stride easily nowadays. now that i've seen more, know more, and understand how our society really works. i still dunno how's my life gonna end up from now on though, but it seems all right now, bcoz i realise that i am not the only one feeling this way. i used to panic bcoz i didn't have a thoroughly planned out route for my glamourous life. i tot that was how it works. everybody would know exactly what job they're gonna do, to whom they'll be married to, living in the right house, having charming children and get very rich. but then again, i musta been like 12 year old when i believed that. now that i know lotsa of pple r just going thru life rather cluelessly like myself, i sorta feel comforted and relieved. i guess so long i'm alive and kicking, that's all it matters for now.
me. camera whoring on bus on the way back to office after visiting client. i know it's hard but pls ignore indian man in background. i swear it was not part of my plan or whatsoever. just concentrate on my smiley chubby face.
pretty white heels ^_^" it shoulda been my 1st pair of white shoes that i ever own in my life, had it not been the fact that it hurt my feet like f just for wearing it and walking to opposite to buy lunch. i cunningly exchange it for another pair, also white, at the shop, claiming that i havent worn them yet. wahaha.well now, i'm off to watching free jap drama on youtube. recently watching 'remote' and kyoko is so cute. gonna enjoy my waking moment before i cannot take it anymore and have to go to bed.
and when i have save enuff, i shall go off to japan and never ever come back. LoL. meanwhile, i shall be satisfied with the memory of
Thank goodness there's always still fag and booze though. ^___^"
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