I DiD It My Way~
Saturday, October 14, 2006
the philosophical sashimi girl
so mid autumn festival just passed like last last fri. just another traditional cheena occasion to me. and what's up with all that mooncake-eating huh. didnt read sunday times is it?!! 1 4-yoked mooncake will set u back 1000 calories ok.. that's already half of a young women's daily calories intake wor! my share of mooncake eating was only limited to like a 1/8 slice of a bing pi orangish thingy mooncake. shany said marriotts (good old marriotts... *wistful*) was launching this bing pi with yogurt thingy mooncake which i would love to try but guess what? i never got around to buying it (the only marriott staff i still knew had already left to join SQ hence staff discount lobang has ended). but good for him! i had once visualised joining the oh-so-seemingly-glam flying industry. surely the 3-4k monthly pay and all that flying to japan, paris and other fancy countries wouldn't hurt but i forsee myself intolerable with full of craps passengers and the even shitter seniors and pilots (no thanks to horror swear-it's-true 1st encounter stories of flight attendents frens), all that jet lag and thick makeup when i can't even bother to touch up my gloss in daily life most of the time. still, JAL and ANA still are attractive to me.. shall i ever go try? hmmm... think my shortiness will be 1 of the few disadvantages.. anyway!
what's up with all that mooncakes... cannot be bothered to eat it every yr. i am grossly mistaken by the bf that my refusal to eat mooncakes is due to my fear of gaining weight, but honey, if i am happily enjoying fried food all the time, calories is almost the last thing on my mind (albeit, a very nagging, guilt-inducing, last thing on my mind). so u see, not all women are the same. yeah so most of us live for the occasionally shopping trips (vivocity! i must go soon!) and do secret calories calculations in our mind but in the case of the mooncakes, i believe i will never ever go crazy over them.
my only memoir of this yr's mid autumn fest. a lonesome, somewhat reddish-orangish thing if mistaken, to be tot as yet another street lamp if not for the distance. i blame the haze. i blame indonesia. i blame nature. i blame man. i blame everything except yours truly. the almost forgotten hourly psi level report on the top left hand corner of tv programme is but a distant memory to me until now. last week or so, there were days when nearby buildings were shrouded in cloud of haziness and the bf proclaiming that kl was suffering 200ish level of psi. horror horror. images of death and tots of doomness overcame me. pardon the drama queen in me but suddenly i am glad that i was rather carefree (read: sorta jobless. just sorta..) now and hence translate into living life to the fullest and not suffering in any OL job for the sake of a meagre monthly pay. seriously, i truly believe i am the least discipline person i've ever known in this world. how, am i ever gonna manage a 9 to 5 job, when i, up till now, the old age of 22, rest as and when i fancy? i believe my only option now is to get married, have kids and be a stay home mum. my consolation is, i like kids. but this also means i can be a teacher, can't i? but back to the 'rest as and when i fancy' part, it is daunting. conclusion: i. am. hopeless.no, cannot have such useless tots. women must learn to be independent. just in case. u never know. nothing in this world is certain. that's for sure.
hmmm.. i have come to the conclusion that one should not have gloomy tots. really gets a person down and depress. i used to mop around getting all depressed and all but in retrospect, i would feel like bashing myself up bcoz the kind of pple who moan and groan all day long about gloominess and doominess would be the kind i wanna slap and ask to wake up. c'mon.. we're living in sg.. it can't be that bad right.. at least all our basic needs like food and shelter are more than fulfilled so we dun have to worry all day long. cliche but imagine all those poor suffering africans. can't even have enuff food everyday and live in crap environment. where got energy and chance to go fulfil their ambitions?? so really, believe that you have a choice. if ur job is stupid and u are immersely unhappy, then for goodness sake jus quit and go do what u want la! i really think it's meaningless, not to mention tremendously torturous, just to work for the sake of money. granted, having a stable or for some, generous income, is fab of coz. but there is a price. u exchange your time, your life, earning it. so in the end will u ever have any time that u can call your own to spend those hard-earned dough? if not, then what's the purpose of having so much? ya u tell me it's bcoz to save for rainy days but working like a dog almost all ur life jus to save for rainy days?? so, when u are all old and shrivelled up like prune, u finally can spend all these stashed away money on like what, botox and medical care? sianz la.. youth is also an asset isn't it.. i'm not trying to critisize anyone, which i dun think i'm qualified to, but i dun see what's wrong in enjoying oneself when u r still young and single. i'm not married but i can just see from my mum or my aunt to know that when one gets older, there is more responsibility like family and children and then u can no longer put yourself in the 1st priority. wanna go japan holiday but no.. needs to save for ah boy/ ah girl's uni funds.. support ageing parents, children still young, housing loan still got 20 more yrs, all sorts of taxes to pay.. sianz la.. think liao also depressed xia.. ya so u can argue aiya of coz is work hard 1st then enjoy life right.. wanna go holiday, cannot. wanna buy diamond ring, cannot. everything cannot. wait old then retire liao, take out cpf, give children, then ownself stay old folks home. or mayb ur children v filial, let u stay with them. that's wonderful but what am i gonna do with all that cpf? that's a diff with going for holiday when u r still young, daring and fun-loving compared to at the age of 60. ur bones will get too brittle to try that bungee jump or something.
please yourself 1st b4 u please others. or else u will just end up feeling resentful and bitter.
but still, a lot of things are easier said than done. this, i am still not foolish enuff to ignore. after all, everyone has their obligations towards others in life. we are meant to be group animals and not loner, so i guess if everyone only care for their own pleasures, this world would be a selfish place. still, i'm trying to say that do dote on yourself. i feel that many pple are too harsh with themselves. they blame themselves when things do not work out the way they expected. my guideline is:
if you have already tried your best, regardless of the outcome, i think u shouldn't have any regret.
i can quite frankly say i do not have many regrets in life bcoz i made the decisions myself so i dun see why i should later on mourn about things. some things are just beyond our control and we are powerless to the results. it's human nature to want things we cannot get. so if u are frustrated or even downright depressed about something, or even someone, u cannot obtain, and u have already given your bestest efforts, then perhaps it is best to just move on. we have too many wants in life. i believe there will be something or someone else out there to fulfil your most inner wants eventually. no point sticking around, beating yourself up.
moving on is just like trying to get outta your toasty warm bed on a rainy morning. once u have forced yourself up, u might even be surprised how u dun actually feel like sleeping in anymore. it's hard. i've been thru this many times, and trust me, if i, the slackest person i've ever known, can do that, many of u can do it too. it's just a thin line separating a lot of things. but the crossing over is the hardest part. humans are emotional creatures. most of the time, at least for me, it's often the feelings of attachment that is our greatest boundary. i can be a very sentimental person, making it even more difficult for me to give up a lot of times and move on. the unforseen future can also be very daunting. as emotional as we are, we are also extremely habitual. to leave behind the comfort of what we have now, nevermind if the present situations are no longer beneficial for us, is a huge difficulty for many pple. but i've learnt that i'm sick of looking back and living in the past. i dun wan to keep having to wondering the 'what if...' questions. it's meaningless. there's a gazillion possibilities so i now choose to preserve my sanity and just keep moving on in life. know what evolution is? the saying goes 'survival of the strongest'. i have no intention of being a prey, though i am not exactly carnivorous too. just wanna be a normal girl in this abnormal world, living a life that i choose. i am guilty of looking at the world thru rose-tinted glasses. but now that i am wiser, my sense of wariness grows and my ability to fend for myself will pretty much enables me to survive w/o much scratches. meanwhile, i am loving this life. i definitely dun wanna die, yet.
OoooOOoOOooo.. boy am i philosopical today eh.. hee.. maybe i'm a budding self-help book author in making! that'll be lovely actually, considering i haven't much clue to what i really, truly, wanna to do with my life. that's quarter life crisis for you. frown. but the good news is, i have no complaints now, and i have no wish in doing so anyway.
wishing everyone a nice life. perhaps it would be rather appropriate to wrap up what i wish say in 1 short sentence:
follow your heart.
backtrack to when i was still 16, my naive self sincerely believed that life is all studying hard, get all sorts of degrees, then find a good job and settle down. i have since understood that there is no one standard, perfect life for everyone.
what do i really want? what do U really want? at the end of the day, i think everyone just wanna be happy. but there are an infinite routes to happiness. hope everyone can eventually find theirs, and oh, nobody lives forever. dun forget this..
Cheers~ ^_^
